Archive for November, 2008

One Down

Assalamualaikum wbt

Apa khabar anda? Entri ringan hari ni.

Well, to begin and to be frank, I had never finish any fiction books after I turned 12, I think. I even upah a classmate to narrate me how The Pearl (novel SPM) ends. Julia, not even half. Luckily alhamdulillah, there are heaps of Babysteps and literature component book to get me through the papers.

It’s not that I don’t have this quest to expand my imaginative scaffold. I just…can’t presevere. Pre+severe. Preparing for something severe. (I had just noticed this when glancing at the word) Hoho.

But lately, it has come to a stage that I had enough of Medicine. Mind you that I am not surviving this because I wanted to be a Dr. I do it because I have to do it. Not my parents, not anyone’s fault. It was just my ignorance to the thousands of options available rather than Medicine and Engineering. But when I joined IMAM and heard Prof Latiff, I think I have met my grip to survive this, to fully understand that I should do this brilliantly, Lillahi Taala, for agama Allah. In fact, it offers me more space to sprout my ikhlas since I am not doing this because of me, because I wanted to.

But I just don’t know what happened to me lately. Allah knows how many classes I dozed off. Especially last week Monday. 8 or 9 class. I slept half of the 4. I just can’t forced myself for this jejune module. When I read the nominations for Class Reps PMC Polls, I was thinking, if I were to be one of the PMCs, my list gonna be

a. The most sleepiest in the class
b. The most dozed off and caught by lecturers glance.
c. The most caught surfing email while class
d. The most caught chewing sweets to avoid sleeping.

So, I started doing things, different things, not reading medicine notes or books. So, let me prove you my yield this week, for unable to fight Medicine these 2 weeks. I had…

Read this. While waiting for bus and lecturers. Fiction. Great stories, but it must comes with great consideration and pondering since it is prejudiced and biased. For me, when you read books, it can be sentiments. You read the author’s points of view. Even Khaled Hosseini notices this. “I am always writing for the audience of one,” he said. Mind you, non fiction doesn’t escape this as well. Tescopoly from a Brits for example, interesting arguements, but very personal arguements. Perhaps, a more academical or statistical arguements can buy people consideration of shunning Tesco.

https://i1.wp.com/media.thedaily.com.au/img/photos/2007/06/21/thousand-splendid-suns-l_t350.jpg

another one, just one chapter. On my way to complete the six Jane Austen’s. When I read other books than Jane Austen’s I began to notice that, sebenarnya mencari masalah membaca Jane Austen ni. You spent minutes to think of her drift. But who cares, the language is fantastic.

http://jeanxbookreviews.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/persuasion.jpg

and I even drew a picture of tulips, using oil paint. Debut with oil paint after using pencils for so long. Huhu. Not a pretty one, but tempting enough for a second one after exams soon. Nope, not putting it here. Hehe.

And lately, my weakness began to resurface. I cannot fight my own emotion, despite of being called konon-konon superwoman. That’s why I said to my comrades, that I am too undeserving for that title.

Wallahu’alam

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Pangs of Conscience

Assalamualaikum

When shadows of guilt sprung on me, I began to helplessly beseech taking my temple down to the ground.

……..

Where unspoken words became so clear and explicit, when sentiments became fair, without no whispering.

………

Which the heart learn that You plan the best, and the eyes’ gaze seeps through the rug reflecting the Here and wondering the After.

Because He knows everything.Have I been the ungrateful one, for turning to You when only I am painfully entangled. Forgive my foolishness, o The Great Forgiver.

Lately, I have made myself a lot of aching decisions, which I prefer not to make. To understand that people are a lot more in pain than I am, the blues compounded. To understand that nothing I can do to amend pain, is agony. To understand that I am caught with hopefuls encounter, which guilt, innocence and friction contained in it, I surrender.

I surrender to You, Allah swt.

Wallahu’alam

Sorotan Hujung Minggu

Assalamualaikum wbt

Apa khabar anda? Saya sihat-sihat sahaja, alhamdulillah.

Minggu ini minggu yang tidak berkualiti bagi akademik dan gerak kerjaku, tetapi sungguh replenishing.

Khamis

Balik dari kelas seharian dan perjumpaan sekretariat KPT, aku terus menyiapkan beberapa tugasan, dan HDS Project, final touch. Yeah, alhamdulillah. Siap dengan pricetag “tak tidur satu malam”. Jadi aku gagahkan diri ke sekolah 6.50am esoknya ke module case, yang bermula jam 8am.

Naik saja bas, tidur.

Masuk kelas, tidur.

Lecturer ajar, tidur.

Apa ni, aku datang sekolah untuk tidur pula. Ish.

9am-10am. Gap. Tak apalah, i should get myself a quality sleep. Terus ke surau dan tidur.

“Em, nak kunci jam ke tak ek. Tak apalah, aku bertawakal pada Allah sudah” kata hatiku.

Sebenarnya jauh di hatiku. “Ya Allah, kan best kalau dapat tidur lagi 2-3 jam”.

12pm: “Astaghfirullahal azim. Pukul 12? Burn kelas Clinical Investigation aku 2 jam” Tapi yang ironi nya aku sengih. Sebab apa, sebab dapat qada’ tidur. Memang Allah lebih tahu sebenarnya keperluan aku tidur lebih mengatasi ke kelas CI tu. Hehe.

Malamnya, Think Tank Puisi. Sungguh, walaupun aku bukan bahagian dari module, namun kritikan itu memang pahit walaupun ianya membina, kerana aku tahu adik-adik ini sudah berusaha sangat keras untuk yang terbaik. Bersabarlah, sebab mereka sayang Puisi sebab tu mereka kritik:)

Sabtu.

Sebahagian siangnya, aku hadirkan diri ke meeting. Kemudian, masa dengan kawan-kawan lama yang telah lama aku postpone kan. Terima kasih kawan-kawan sebab sudi datang rumah aku ni. Thanks Azilah sebab buat makan-makan steamboat tu. Serious, nyaris tumbang aku sebab banyak sangat makan.

Kemudian, ke house warming bekas housematesku di St Anne’s. Aaa…sedapnya nasi kerabu dengan kek batik! (makan lagi)

Kemudian, ziarah Safiah di Rathmines. Apa…Laksa?? (makan lagi)

Hehe. SubhanAllah. Aku mula-mula rasa bersalah, sebab ambil ‘a day off’ sedangkan banyak lagi kerjaku bertangguh. Tapi di pengakhiran hari, rasa puas sebab dapat catch up balik ukhwah dengan kawan-kawan. Siapa sangka hari itu, aku dapat bertanya khabar dengan 10 orang dan ziarah 3 rumah. Alhamdulillah ya Allah.

Tapi…part makan tu macam…hehe. Tak makan, orang susah-susah masak, tapi siapa suruh aku bersungguh-sungguh sangat. Sampai Kak Aisyah bila dengar cerita aku terus tergelak dan cakap, “Bahaya ni Anis, kang jatuh tahap haram pulak.” Berfikir aku sejenak. Selama ni aku tak terfikir, dengan makan ni aku boleh mengutip dosa, walaupun makanannya halal. Astaghfirullah.

15112008001

Happy Belated Birthday Azilah🙂

Ahad

Ini hari paling tidak bermanfaat. Banyak rehat je. Sampai Diela pun pening tengok aku. Rutin mingguan, skype dengan keluarga. Ami nak sunat. Hehe. Alhamdulillah. Suka dia dapat gameboy, hadiah sunat dengan periksa. Tapi aku sangat kecewa bila Ami pilih gameboy berbanding anak kucing. Padahal aku dah bertahun minta anak kucing tak dapat. Ni Ami tak minta, Abah offer pun dia tanak.

………………………

Masa yang ada tadi, aku baca kembali Risalah Ta’alim dari As Syahid Imam Hassan Al Bana.

Dari rukun pertama. FAHAM,

“Siapa yang beramal tanpa pengetahuan lebih banyak merosakkan berbanding mengelokkan”

‘Umar ‘Abdul ‘Aziz

Ya Allah, faqih dan thabatkanlah aku di jalan ini.

Sejam kemudian, tertidur. Lagi.

ISH, ANIS!!!

Wallahu’alam

Malam Yang Sukar

Assalamualaikum wbt

Ini untuk lebih feel.

Malam yang sukar.

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku lemah dan lalai.

Wallahu’alam

Sana Sini Politik

Assalamualaikum wbt.

short entry for this one. tengah lecture radiology. huhu. cynical tone today.

Macam-macam…

UMNO.

musa hitam

Musa politely described this phenomenon as “penyakit tua” (old age sickness), but I think it will be more appropriate to call it Alzheimer’s disease, as the state of corruption afflicting the party has reached a stage of no return. – Malaysia Kini and majority newspaper-

The newspapers are mushroomed with all these UMNO Party Election which will take place in March 2009. That is like 7 months from the commencement of the speculating news on the posts. Isn’t that a bigger event than our own Malaysia election which only took place in 3 weeks??? UMNO is challenging the history set up by US election this year. Longest ever. But I don’t care about that. Tapi membazir. Yes, I do care.

Musa Hitam... I attended his speech in KMB. Very amused. 
But later, hearing his share in Memali, I budged.

TINGKAT EMPAT NAJIB?

our previous PM is always as bold as he used to be.

USA

Congratulations to Barrack Obama. Change has definitely come. I would say at least, the citizens has become less prejudiced. But I hope you wouldn’t just bring change. Bring peace, please. And vamoose from Israel dominance on cliche US Presidents previously. That’s another change you have to bring in man.

Shariah Law Debate

I attended half way yesterday. Bas rosak. Huhu. True, the issue is undebatable for Muslims, but to quench the curiousity of the remaining inhabitants of the world, the speakers showed up, not just Muslims, but also an Irish guy from the law school to advocate Shariah Law.

Too bad, the academic talk was mixed with religion prejudism. I’m not emotional at the proposition speakers, young fresh soon to be graduates, talking like that. But very amusing enough, the lecturers from law school gave such a stupid, disputable surface arguments. Shame on the Law School that such lecturers deliver you education. I think they were being propagandist. The air was like Shariah Law is all bad and conservative and all. You are not giving space and instead pointing a vague example to win the arguement. You are afraid to take Point of Interjection at all. Ironically, bold enough, they tried to quote Quran, but quoting stuff on surface meaning, just like reading a story book. This is not Jane Austen’s, Sherlock Holmes or Charles Dickens. They said Muslim wife can be changed by money, without knowing they are quoting the verse on dowry.

I’m not saying the Muslim speakers are all good last night. Majority did quite badly. They were flamed with spirit/emotion?? but one thing for sure, being not professioal. So, expect the loud Boo. Orang suruh debate pasal Shariah Law, awat pi cakap pasal 9/11, Iraq girl kena rape time invasion. Itu terkeluar tajuk. But the last wrap up by Brother Anjem if Im not mistaken, was good.

Seeing the prejudiced audiences who wouldn’t want to budge from the secularity because they are afraid of cannot being homosexuals, cannot walk freely in streets, killed by stones for adultery, and try to hide their red faces because they cant help to lie to themselves, and being defensive instead, made me thinking. The motion was accepted, Shariah Law does not have a place in 21st century. The vote was clearly explicit from the very beginning. Berapa kerat je Muslim datang nak vote pun. But I truly hope, last night debate sparks the audiences to do their research and see the Shariah Law, as pure and as smooth as the stream of water, as the term means.

Since Musa Hitam was talking on Alzheimer, I found this one for some neurodegenarative disease. A good one for them to let go when the time said so. Huhu.

LETTING GO

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring;
It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off….
It’s the realization that I can’t control another…..

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

Wallahu’alam

Selamat Tinggal

Assalamualaikum

Ini merupakan entri yang terakhir di rumah usang ini. Sedih, sedih. Proses pindah randah sedang berlangsung di luar. Jazakumullahu khayran kathira kepada 6 orang sukarelawan yang tampil, tidak lupa juga kepada sukarelawati yang tak kurang gagahnya.

Sebulan ini di Dublin, begitu banyak musibah kecil yang menimpa diri aku. Inalillah. Apa yang pasti, ia akan sangat menyakitkan sekiranya ia tidak disusuli dengan keredhaan atas ketentuan Ilahi dan doa agar diberi kekuatan menghadapi semua yang berlaku. Bak kata ayat Quran dalam entri lepas, macam mana nak masuk syurga kalau tak mahu diuji.

Bila aku sudah tidak boleh pendam semua masalah, kekesalan atau persoalan dalam diri, aku akan bercerita kepada Hazi ataupun mengikut surat beranaknya, Nor Haziyah Md Yazid, kawan rapat aku sejak dari KMB lagi.

Anis: Hazi, bla…bla… Tapi alhamdulillah la jugak kan. Bla..bla… (mengeluh lagi) But at least I think … bla…bla…

Hazi: Anis.. that’s not at least. That’s, a lot you know.

…Terdiam.

Hazi, she is the kind of person who knows what to say at the right time. And sometimes she looks as if she is wavered, but she’s actually doing her thinking and after a short pause, she come out with this short deep sayings and made me firm on what I should hold to. Thanks dude.

One fact, is many of my bestfriends and good friends never call me Chatz. Some do.

And Azilah, Ili, Needa, Bik, Dee, I miss all these comrades.

Hafni and all friends back in alma mater, I wish I can reverse time.

Housemates no 4, Kak Aina, Puan Ila, Kak Azza, Kak Affa, Kak Amalia, Kak Ochee, soon to be Puan Faiz, Puan Hanim, Kak Aisyah, Kuteng, Ikin, Dhil, Rashidah. Thanks a lot. I will always muse the good old days in No 4, Wolseley Street.

Safiah, hang jangan risau, aku akan tetap mai melepak di tempat hang.

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah atas semua kurniaan Engkau dan sahabat-sahabat yang Engkau hadirkan di sekelilingku.

Tata No 4.

-Jauh lah aku nak buka puasa kat masjid lepas ni. zzz. Hehe. Tapi Kebabish dekat. Hooray!-

Wallahu’alam.